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TeKn1cLyCh1Ln
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Name: luke
Location: Boston, Massachusetts, United States
Birthday: 11/24/1990
Interests: Chilln obviously, football, sleeping, piano, listenin to music, nething thats NOT hw, movies, peepz
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
AIM:  Masteryoda161
Yahoo:  Luker161
Member Since:
11/28/2005
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| In the past 3 days I have reread my old xanga entries and nancy's entries and now have a few questions
1) Why on earth was I so angsty?
2) Why did I type like a rEtArD?
3) How did we find each other interesting after reading all of those posts?
that is all. | | |
| So well well. Here again. Havent used Xanga in a while. What brought me back? Something bad. This is just me ranting. Just me getting my thinking down. Not really worth reading. Just food for my own thought.
What happened to me? When did I become so, so...irritable? When did I become so insecure, unsure of myself and jealous? What happened to Luke the Lobster? That chill, apathetic, sarcastic guy? Why was he replaced with this bitter, cynical, paranoid, over analyzing SOB? I just don't get it.
Theres never been a time when I looked back and wanted just a do over, even when bad stuff happened, life was ok and moved on. I let bygones be bygones. But within the last 3 months, i can look back and see a whole host of things that I would redo. What happened to my decision making skills? When did I learn to regret? Why did I learn to regret?
Lately I've just been so unsure about everything. I question loyalties, how fake people are and I'm just so filled with anger this year and so many things have ticked me off:
1) How fake people in Sharon really are. Even my best friend. How he becomes such a fucking idiot so he can find a party to go to. I hate how he always goes "I'm bored" then tells me to call people to find plans. Do it yourself stupid. Then of course theres the "I have no real friends in town" girl who i think of as a friend. but shed sell me to the devil for gossip goddamn. No real friends? mayb theres a reasonnnnn. I try my best to be sympathetic but seriously? How about stop being selfish for once. maybe you have no real friends that are girls because you are uncompromising in what you wnat to do and if anyone else has any other ideas you just pout and go "not fair" and run away to your "real" friends in another town.
2) what a waste of time AP Spanish and AP Physics C really are
3) How people in this town think theyre so awesome.
4) How NHS keeps me from napping on Fridays (joke)
Lately I've been so stupid about *. Over analyzing like crazy, like stupid. It's how she is. No emotion. But I cant know she cares when she "just is like that", meaning she just doesn't show any affection, any sign that she cares, any sign that what we've got is important to her, any sign that it matters to her or that shes trying. She told me "I'm not psychic and cant know how u feel about things so just say them". Well, I'm no psychic either. I cant just keep let u get away with "You know thats just how I am" and a smile. I know you care. But its hard to convince myself otherwise when u acknowledge people in the hallway who are standing next to me but don't even glance at me, make eye contact, let alone say hi. I don't really see how hard it is to show me something. give me something, throw me a fucking bone. Way to ignore me in school
I know I've been selfish here. I know I shouldn't feel the way I do when I try my best to be sympathetic and put you first but you ignore my "stuff" and place me in the backround, not even realizing when you do and having problems understanding when I bring it up. I know this is my bad. But still...I can only convince myself otherwise so many times. Like that time when you knowingly ditched me, felt bad then said i overreacted. Bull. we both know it. thats why you apologized. whats scary is that it happened in the first place.
So. Am I really that bad of a son? As selfish as my parents said I was tonight? Just because I've never thought of "how i would continue to be selfish if my dad had a horrible accident and couldn't work"? what kind of example is that anyway? I'm sorry that I dont bring as much to the table for the family as you do dad, ya know, cause i dont earn money. but uh, if thats your argument, maybe you shouldnt have had kids. I pledge to never be as retarded to my own children. And my mom just gets...caught up in the crossfire? na she more like gangs up on me with my dad. I dont understand why she has such a fucking problem with fucking AIM. Everytime she "catches" me on it, as in I dont hide using it cause its not a crime to my knowledge, she gives me this fucking stare of "youre such a waste of time and life why arent you doing scholarship apps" i just...i dont even know how i feel. It drives me crazy.
Btw mom. Its bullshit that I get stuck with everything, all the work and all the research because you and dad "dont know the system in the US because you werent schooled here" It may be true you dont know shit. but at least attempt to help find information as opposed to just blaming me when i dont know what to do and saying i didnt try hard enough. It aint fair if i gotta pay for all the shit u dont know how to do just like i dont expect you to pay for my shortcomings.
But seriously, other than the parent part of this. The rest is just retarded. I need to get over it. I gotta find a way to get back to how it used to be. "who I am hates who ive been" is a rather decent summary of this. I wish I could stop time. Find myself again cause I am most certainly lost.
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| That, that, that, that dont kill me
Will only make me stronger...
lets hope this holds true.
Senior year has arrived and its game time. Applications, a balls deep amount of AP classes, NHS, and football have arrived at the same time.
but im ready.
maybe im not as well-prepared for the amount of work i have or even have enough energy to do it, but im ready to attack the tasks set before me with mental fortitude and a sense of urgency. The only thing on the line here is my pride, and i can take a hit to that in stride. Theres nothing left to lose this year. Who cares about sharon? who cares about what my parents think? Certainly not me. This is the year where we leave it on the field (metaphorically and literally speaking). Mr. Ding is no longer playing around. He's betting with his own chips this year.
good luck seniors. only half a year left.
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| o man its been forever...
Junior can blow my nuts...it really is the gayest year...wtf man
Midyear tests and SAT----> same week in Jan
Feb---->ACTs
March------> SAT retake if im unlucky
May --------> 2 APs and 2 SAT 2s
June---------> Finals
Fuck mannnn
i have mad hw everyday shit
I got my permit and now im legal! yesssss the big 16! fuck yeaaaa
i miss my cty peepz dawg...its been so long
Cant wait for spring track...comonnnnn get here | | |
| Finished work at the hospital...after 2 weeks.
Football season starts on monday...so psyched man
Need to do what...40 hours of hw?
Talked wit nancys cousin
Played lots of majong at Chi's
And for bowie: (CTY list continued)
3. I have reached 132 with the Intense Frisbee game
4. I have gotten frisbees confiscated faster than you can say "FORREST, what the hell?!?!"
5. I have submitted to the fact that bowie is a better raver...
6. just kidding about number 5...that was just to make her feel better about her own lack of raving skill
7. I went all the way with this girl named TODAD X_X hahahaha jpjp
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IVE BEEN CORRUPTED by Emily
